


Five times Sungwoon unintentionally made Taehyun cry + one (of many times) he made him laugh

by redhales



Category: HOTSHOT (Band), JBJ (Band), Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Angst but not too much, Canon Compliant, Happy Ending, M/M, Post Produce 101, Pre-Relationship, Produce 101 - Freeform, taehyun is a crybaby, taehyun pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-16
Updated: 2020-11-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:47:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27592934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redhales/pseuds/redhales
Summary: Taehyun didn't usually cry. Until he did.
Relationships: Ha Sungwoon/Noh Taehyun | Kid Monster
Comments: 1
Kudos: 8





	Five times Sungwoon unintentionally made Taehyun cry + one (of many times) he made him laugh

**Author's Note:**

> the idea for this fic has been in my drafts for years and i finally decided to write it properly for amnesiaL1996's birthday, since hatae is basically the reason why we started talking.  
> happy bday again! i miss you and i hope this will make you even just a tiny bit happy~

If there was one thing Taehyun prided himself on was the fact that he wasn’t generally a person who cried. Well, he was also very proud of his dancing skills. His vocals weren’t quite bad as well. And of course he could rap. And he could cook a kimchi-jjigae that, with time and practice, had come pretty close to perfection.

But yes, keeping his emotions hidden had become quite easy for Taehyun, so much that by now he could go through almost anything without shedding a tear. He’d tackled the years of training with gritted teeth, smashing and krumping his way through debut first and idol life later. Not once he’d used tears to ask for sympathy, not even when he hurt his leg in the middle of debut preparations, he kept dancing through the pain and with his head held high. And just like the bad times, he’d kept his emotions in check even during the good ones. Those sporadic, beautiful good times. The months he’d got to stand on stage had been heaven, a dream come true. But still, the thought of crying in front of thousands of fans was unbearable.

That’s why Taehyun didn’t understand why people started believing he was a crybaby, but suddenly everyone was teasing him and articles were written about his tears. Sure, he might’ve teared up a bit in front of a camera or two. It wasn’t that big of a deal, was it?

Wrong. Taehyun should’ve realized sooner that a survival program feeds on the contestants’ pain. The producer might as well keep a mug on his desk with the words _trainees’ tears_ printed on its front. After all, Taehyun’s moments of weakness – as well as all the others’ – meant more visibility.

Suddenly he had become Produce’s joke. To be honest he didn’t mind too much, at least he was bringing some sort of joy into a place constantly filled with stress, worry and competition. And if one person in particular liked to tease Taehyun about it, he could always pretend that he wasn’t much affected by it and that his heart didn’t skip a beat at every joke made on his crying habits by said person.

If only that person realized that Taehyun’s sudden opening of his tear ducts was entirely on him.

1.

He didn’t really know how to explain what happened.

The first day of shooting went on so slow that it had seemingly taken an eternity. Hours and hours of sitting and clapping and trying to react to everything happening in the big room to have one more chance of getting caught by the cameras and ending up in the final cut of the episode, so that more people would notice them right away. And then finally, so late into the night that he didn’t even know what time was anymore, it was Taehyun’s and Sungwoon’s turn to perform. Taehyun wasn’t nervous about the performance itself – he’d spent enough time on stage that he had finally overcome the fine line between fear and excitement – but he was worried about how they would be evaluated. Up until that moment, it looked like getting an A wasn’t easy. To really catch the judges’ attention they would have to be perfect and, as much as Taehyun felt confident about his and Sungwoon’s talent, he wasn’t sure that they were what the program was looking for. Which was a stupid thought since they were in already and, even by just being among those 101 trainees, they had been granted the opportunity to perform at least a couple of times on television. Except that this time Sungwoon and him had wanted to try something different from their usual performances, different from what they showed on all the other castings before this one, and he was starting to feel like it had been a very bad idea.

When they were called on stage, Taehyun channeled all the negative feelings into the performance. All the trainees and the judges in front of him became one undistinguished blur. In that moment only singing and dancing existed for him. Their whole time on stage seemed to go by in a second, except for the endless stretch of time spent waiting to be evaluated. And when finally both their names were mentioned for the A class, Taehyun could start breathing again.

As soon as he walked into the backstage the relief hit him so hard that his legs gave up and he fell on his knees. He picked himself up and immediately a pair of arms wrapped around his waist. _We made it,_ Sungwoon whispered in his ear. Taehyun didn’t have the guts to tell him that they were far from making it, that it was just the first step on an incredibly steep and long staircase, but he didn’t want to ruin the mood. After all, he could savour the moment a little longer.

Just when the next trainee was called on stage, the staff rushed them along a hallway and into a smaller room. Taehyun got in first and, when he saw the chair in front of the cameras, he knew that room was where he’d have to open up about his experience.

After a few minutes he was settled down and a girl holding a clipboard started asking him questions. Taehyun knew that any misplaced words could be edited in a totally different way, so he tried to be very careful about what he said. She asked him if he was pleased with how the audition had gone, if there was something else that he wished to show the public and how it’d felt to perform again. He took a moment to think about where he and Sungwoon had started, the debut, the first few months of promotions and comebacks and then….and then how everything just stopped. He thought about Junhyuk, Moonkyu, San and Hojungie. About all the hardships they’d gone through together, about this second opportunity that maybe he and Sungwoon could give to Hotshot. He thought about how Sungwoon’s smile never left his face even through the hard times, how he tried so hard to support all of them and give them hope – even when there wasn’t much to hope for. And then he thought about what had happened on stage a few minutes earlier, how someone had finally recognized their talent, their passion, their persistence in doing what they loved to do, and he felt so happy he couldn’t take it. His eyes filled with tears and his voice caught in his throat, and that was the dam finally breaking and allowing all his emotions to pour out.

And Taehyun swore to himself right there and then that he would fight tooth and nail to get himself and Sungwoon out of that program as winners.

2.

A few weeks later, Taehyun wasn’t really surprised about how fierce the competition turned out to be. Everyone was obviously set on getting at least to the final episode – if not into the final lineup – or having the general public notice them despite not going far in the program. The group battle performance had been completely draining, but not as much as the position evaluation. This part was the one that Taehyun had been looking forward to, and managing to survive the eliminations to actually get to this point and show everyone his worth as a dancer had already been enough. What he wasn’t really expecting though, was that the others would choose him as both the leader and center of his team. Dancing was one thing – was _his_ thing – but teaching other five people a whole choreography in just a handful of days while also trying to come up with the moves and improve them along the way was a whole new level of impossible. This was the exact reason why he was so thankful to Junhyuk for being the best leader he could ever want in Hotshot. But _impossible_ was a word that could not exist in Taehyun’s vocabulary, so he resolved that he would do his best to make the perfect choreography and lead his team to victory.

This of course meant that he spent most of his waking hours in the practice room, going back to the dorms to sleep for just a couple of hours, enough to not collapse because of exhaustion, and then go back to practice until his body gave up again. And for once Taehyun was grateful for Produce’s duties that he had to fulfill for the sake of the show, because every now and then he managed to catch a break from practicing thanks to the short videos he had been tasked to film and that would later be posted as his self cams. He also realized that he could take advantage of the opportunity to go and look for Sungwoon, since they hadn’t seen each other in a while. In all the years of training and as members of Hotshot, he had never spent as much time away from Sungwoon as now. Whether he wanted or not, the younger was a constant in his life and he was so used to spending hours in the practice room with him that now, every time he was with his current team, he turned around to look for Sungwoon, and every time he had to remind himself that they were competing as rivals, even though that word next to Sungwoon's name felt so wrong. Sungwoon was in the vocal position, and the small soundproof rooms where the vocal teams practiced were on a whole different floor than the practice rooms. So Taehyun grabbed the camera that the staff had prepared for him and walked to the upper floor. He filmed a few other trainees dancing and practicing, spent definitely too much time goofing around in front of the camera with Daehwi while someone else filmed them, and just acted as obnoxious as he could, bothering the other trainees to try and bring a smile on all the tired faces. When he finally saw a paper sheet with the word "Downpour" hanging on a door, he went to open it. The vocal teams didn't practice as much as the dance teams, in order to not stress their throats too much, and he internally prayed to find at least Sungwoon inside. And, as he opened the door, of course he was there, with everyone else. He should've expected it, his friend was a perfectionist. All the trainees welcomed Taehyun to sit with them, and agreed to practice the song one more time just for him.

And, if his camera lingered on Sungwoon for longer than the others while he was singing, no one had to notice.

After a week of non-stop practice and little to no sleep, the day of the performance was finally there. Taehyun tried to unsuccessfully calm his nerves. He usually wasn't this nervous for a performance, but he usually also didn't have a team who had never danced together before and that was totally led by him. Taehyun didn't have doubts about his talent, but he wasn't sure he had been a good leader and center for the others, and their survival on the show completely depended on him. The vocal teams performed first and he couldn’t say if it was a good or a bad thing. It'd give him more time until his performance, but it would be time only spent worrying more and more. When the Downpour team finally made their way on stage, Taehyun sat on the edge of his seat. After the day he'd crashed their practice, he hadn't seen Sungwoon anymore and was thrilled to see their finalized performance. He knew, without having to hear it from Sungwoon himself, that the younger had put his everything in preparing this song and couldn't wait to see the final version. The song started with the melody of a piano and Minhyun’s gentle voice. Taehyun knew that Sungwoon would start singing only in the second part of the chorus, but everyone before him managed to do such a great job in conveying their feelings through their singing that he was already starting to feel somehow emotional.

After years of being in the same group, they all knew each other’s tricks when it came to performing. And that’s why, when Sungwoon’s face finally appeared on the screen one minute into the song, he already knew what to expect. But still, seeing Sungwoon with tears in his eyes before he even started singing (after he’d certainly kept them wide open for the whole previous minute), Taehyun felt a pang in his heart. He would never get used to the younger’s voice, to how powerful and emotional it was, especially when singing a ballad. Listening to Sungwoon sing was still an incredibly overwhelming experience, and every single note he sang struck a chord in Taehyun’s heart. He wouldn’t mind spend the rest of his life listening to that beautiful voice only.

And, before he even knew it, Taehyun’s eyes filled with tears and a couple of them managed to slip out and run down his face. Hopefully no camera was focused on him.

3.

On the balcony where all the eliminated trainees sat, Taehyun hadn’t managed to relax for not even a couple of seconds that night. It was kinda ironic that he was sitting up there: he had prayed and prayed to at least get to the final episode and there he was, but sitting in the wrong spot. He couldn’t complain though: after the unexpected success of Shape of You, his contribution to the show had somehow gone unnoticed, and his ranking could only go down rather than up enough to save him. But it was okay, because something good was going to happen to him. There were already rumours about a project and he had a good feeling about it.

But now he was on that balcony, staring down at the surviving trainees being called on stage for the final ranking, and a feeling that he could only describe as something close to fear had started creeping up his spine, stiffening his muscles and cutting his breath short. He needed Sungwoon’s name to be called, but only the top three spots were left and he realistically knew that he couldn’t be called for those. It hurt to admit it, it hurt to even think about it, but Sungwoon had to get into that group. He _had to_. Even though it would bring him away from Taehyun and from Hotshot. But he had worked too hard for all the struggles to go to waste. Taehyun had witnessed the way that the light in Sungwoon’s eyes had started to fade when Hotshot had progressively got less and less schedules, until it almost dangerously disappeared when it was clear that they would disband soon. But then there was the idea to take part in the survival program and suddenly purpose had brought back the gleam in those eyes, and now Taehyun was scared to see it go out again. So yeah, he was willing to lose Sungwoon for a couple of years, if it meant the other boy got to taste happiness once again.

As expected, Sungwoon was not only one of the four trainees whose name was called for the 11th and last spot, but he was the only one left at the end with Sewoon, after the elimination of Dongho and Jonghyun. As always, Sungwoon had trained his features well and his face was devoid of any expression, but Taehyun could only imagine how tense he was.

Without even realizing it, Taehyun joined his hands and leaned his forehead on them, hiding his face from all the cameras surrounding him. _Please please please_ , he said over and over in his head like a mantra, almost whispering the words out loud. _Please Ardor and Able Ha Sungwoon, come on say it please._ The never-ending wait felt unreal and exhausting, and Taehyun almost forgot where he was and why, when Boa’s voice finally broke the silence and…

”Ardor and Able Ha Sungwoon!”

All the tension and the fear weighing down on his body finally left Taehyun in the form of sobs that started shaking his body, and he was so tired and vulnerable from the months of stress that he did the most liberating thing he could do: he cried. And he kept crying even while Sungwoon ran toward the stage and grabbed the mic he was handed and delivered a perfectly planned speech (forgetting of course to mention him; Taehyun made a mental note to nag him about it forever). He barely even felt the hands clapping his shoulders and trying to comfort him while he hung his head low to hide his tears, still very much aware of the cameraman just a couple of meters away from him who was trying to catch all of his reactions.

After a few more moments he managed to calm down enough to stand up with the others and cheer Sungwoon. Taehyun was watching him now for the first time since his name had been called. He looked glowing but put together and, as Sungwoon looked toward the balcony and met his eyes, Taehyun had to suppress another sob. No one knew the reason why he was so emotional: he was crying because his best friend had finally achieved his goal and he couldn’t be prouder, but also because, the moment his name was called, he had started to feel Sungwoon slip away from him.

4.

The next few days, when everything had calmed down, was when the changes became more obvious. Taehyun hadn’t expected Sungwoon to suddenly disappear after the cameras turned off, but he still clung to him for as long as he could backstage. Just in case. That night, despite the hours of interviews and congratulations and hugs, Taehyun still waited for him until it was almost dawn and they rode their car together to the Hotshot’s dorm.

It actually took a while for the final change to settle in, but when it happened it was still too soon for Taehyun. He obviously knew it was going to happen at some point, but he chose to ignore Sungwoon’s luggage lying open in a corner of their living room and slowly getting fuller, or the boxes full of his things appearing in random points of their dorms. It was easier to ignore it and forget everything until it was too late and he found himself going down the stairs of their building, carrying one of said boxes to the car that was waiting for Sungwoon in the parking lot. Taehyun hoped that Sungwoon’s new company would give them a few more days to get ready to leave their previous lives before becoming fulltime Wanna One’s members, but apparently they deemed a week more than enough. Too bad it wasn’t nearly enough for Taehyun to say everything he wanted to say. He wasn’t even sure about what exactly he wanted to say. How do you sum up four years of pent-up feelings and realizations and silent pining in a handful of words to shove into a rushed goodbye? You don’t. You just get ready to live with it until it will inevitably fade away, until finally the pain will subside too. It won’t survive time anyway. It will go away, just like Sungwoon when he placed the last of his boxes in the trunk of the car and slammed it shut, dragging Taehyun away from his thoughts.

That’s it. That’s the moment he had been dreading for days and now it will be over before he can even realize it’s happening. Everyone hugged Sungwoon until only Taehyun was left and, when he wrapped his arms around the younger boy, he wished he could stay like that forever and never let it go. He tried to put everything he wanted to say into that hug, because his mouth had been sealed since Sungwoon had received the call from the driver, telling him he would come collect him in a few minutes. And he especially hoped that Sungwoon would understand, if not everything, at least just a bit. As Sungwoon freed himself from the hug and turned to listen to the others’ words and recommendations, Taehyun had to remind himself that this wasn’t forever, that he would come back someday, and that they still could meet up every now and then among schedules or hopefully even at music shows.

And then Sungwoon got in the car with a last wave of his hand and shut the car door behind himself. Taehyun managed to push back for as long as he could, and when the car finally turned the corner, he let the tears stream down his face. This time there were no sobs, just silent tears falling down in defeat. Everyone was still staring at the spot where the car had disappeared, unsure about what to do or what to say, but he knew that Moonkyu noticed his tears the moment they had started falling. Moonkyu was the sort of friend who always knew whatever was going on and there was no doubt he knew what Taehyun’s tears meant. So he was extremely grateful when the taller boy gently rested his arm on Taehyun’s shoulders, transmitting him comfort without having to ask or say anything.

It would get better. Taehyun wasn’t alone.

5.

If earlier that year someone told him that Sungwoon and him would have attended the Melon Music Awards with two separate groups - neither of which were Hotshot - he would have definitely had a laugh for exactly two reasons: they would never re-debut in separate groups, and anyways it was impossible they would've been successful enough to attend MMAs so soon. And yet, that was exactly what happened.

Wanna One was the most successful rookie group of the year, so their presence in music events was a given. They had broken more records that Taehyun could remember, and deserved every single award they received. Taehyun instead found himself in project group JBJ, and was lucky enough to share the experience with some of the trainees he'd been more friends with during the survival. They were all surprised when they were told about their MMA attendance, having debuted a little more than a month earlier, but he definitely was thrilled to finally be spending the award season where he'd dreamed to be for years, instead of watching from his couch back home.

Taehyun also couldn't wait to see Sungwoon perform on stage. Despite managing to meet him at music shows and some events, he had never had the opportunity to watch him perform with Wanna One, unless it was through a screen. That night, after checking the schedule, he noticed that JBJ and Wanna One would perform at least an hour apart, so he could comfortably sit back and watch the other group's performance from his seat in the arena.

The show went on for hours but Taehyun didn’t feel tired at all and he would’ve gladly spent more time in that daydream. He watched and listened carefully to every group and soloists perform, not missing a single thing of what was going on onstage. Coming from a group who had never had many possibilities, he knew he couldn’t afford to take anything for granted. Being in that place was a great opportunity and there was still so much he could learn from bigger groups.

When Wanna One’s performance was finally announced, he channeled all his attention toward the stage even more than before. A couple of days before he texted Sungwoon to talk about their respective performances. His friend couldn't disclose much about it, but he teased that there was something special he had prepared and asked Taehyun to please watch closely and give him feedback later, since it was his field of expertise (as if Taehyun had to be told to watch closely whenever Sungwoon was around), so he guessed it had something to do with dancing. A dance solo maybe?

And then the lights went down and the music started playing, and Taehyun’s face broke in the happiest smile. They started with the intro and then _Beautiful_ and Taehyun was enraptured by the whole performance, unable to look away from the tiny silhouette he could recognize even from so far away. And when he started mouthing the words to the song, not even realizing he was only singing along to Sungwoon’s parts, his eyes filled with unshed tears. He definitely blamed the too emotional song, but the lyrics and the fact the Sungwoon was singing them was what really moved him.

_Oh I miss you, I miss you_

_Your last words as you got far away_

Taehyun pressed his lips together and blinked furiously for a few seconds to try and prevent the tears to slip out and ruin his make-up. He missed Sungwoon. He missed having him in his everyday life, having him as part of his routine. They were both busy with their respective new jobs that gave them little to now free time but still, when at night he laid awake staring at the ceiling, he thought about how much he’d love to be doing all of this with Sungwoon. _Together._ Just like it was supposed to be when they sent their audition for the program.

And then the song ended and the lights went down once again for a few seconds, before the members’ voices introduced their next song. Suddenly the Sky Dome caught on fire as red lights flashed from every side and flames rose from the sides of the stage. And there he was, appearing on the center of the stage, standing in the middle with Daniel and Woojin on his sides. Taehyun could hear the surprise in Kenta’s and Donghan’s shouts when Sungwoon started dancing, probably not expecting him to be included in the dance line of this performance. To be fair Taehyun was also taken aback at first since he had never ever been a dancer in Hotshot, but now there he was on stage with two of Wanna One’s main dancers. But he knew Sungwoon was good enough to deserve it and he was happy he could show his talent in front of so many people. The height difference was obvious, but Sungwoon’s moves were fierce and powerful: a trick they’d learned together through the years to look taller on stage. Despite a couple of small imperfections in Sungwoon’s movements, his heart swelled with pride and he couldn’t help but smile widely.

And when the short dance break ended, Taehyun told himself that it didn’t matter that he had to be apart from Sungwoon for who knows how long. As long as the younger boy was fulfilling his dreams, he could wait. He had time.

+1

It was the first Christmas Taehyun didn’t get to spend with either his family or Hotshot. Since he became a trainee, Christmas was a day like any other, spent in the practice room or cooped up in their dorm eating cheap beef and noodles. But that year he was with JBJ and their weeks were filled with so many schedules that he had totally forgotten about the approaching festivity. He was infinitely happy about the success of the group but he’d grown really fond of those guys and he wished they could at least have a day off to have at least something resembling a Christmas dinner together.

Instead they had two schedules abroad just before and after Christmas day, going back to Seoul for a handful of hours, enough to rush to their dorms, grab some fresh clothes to shove in their luggage, hopefully rest for a while before going back to the airport and off on another flight.

After taking a quick shower, Taehyun was about to crash on his bed and get a couple of hours of sleep when his phone buzzed with a new text. _Sungwoon._

_“just back from busan. wanna meet?”_

Taehyun looked at his bed, and then at the clock. He had exactly one hour and forty minutes before their car would come collect them again. One hour and forty minutes that he was going to spend catching on all the sleep he’d missed in the last few weeks, but now Sungwoon was asking him to meet. Sleep or Sungwoon? Taehyun didn’t even have to ask himself because the decision had already been taken the second he read the name on his phone.

Twenty minutes later the doorbell rang. Luckily Sungwoon texted him when he was already in Seoul, on his way to his dorm and not far away from Taehyun’s. His group was free for the rest of the day, so he asked his manager to drop him off to JBJ’s dorm before heading home. When Taehyun opened the door, he found a scruffy Sungwoon on the other side. It was obvious he’d been travelling, even if it was a short distance. He was wearing a baggy hoodie and his hair was messy, probably because he’d been sleeping both on the airplane and in the car from the airport to the city. Despite that, dark circles rounded his eyes, showing how tired he really was even though he was trying to mask it with a smile on his face.

“Merry Christmas!” Sungwoon said cheerfully.

“It’s not even Christmas yet” Taehyun muttered, moving aside as Sungwoon made his way into the living room.

“Well too bad I won’t be here on Christmas day so you have to accept the wishes, I don’t make the rules”

And then he turned around to look at Taehyun and a second later the younger’s arms were around him, hugging him tightly.

“I missed you,” Sungwoon whispered in his ear, and suddenly all the tiredness washed away from Taehyun’s body. He could stay in those arms forever and when Sungwoon jumped away he felt like the hug had’t lasted enough.

“I have a Christmas present for you!” Sungwoon exclaimed excitedly.

Then he put down the backpack that was still on his shoulders and started rummaging inside. He interrupted Taehyun before he could even start complaining about not wanting a present and not having bought him anything in return.

“I saw it at the duty free and it reminded me of you”

Just as he finished the sentence, he pulled something blue out of the bag and held it right in front of Taehyun’s face. It was a Cookie Monster plush. He let out a laugh so loud it definitely woke up some of his group members sleeping in the rooms just a few meters away, but it was totally worth it. And, what was worth even more, was the bright smile on Sungwoon’s face lighting up the room.


End file.
